Fun club

Courage, bravery and fairness - first signs of alcohol intoxication.

A minister and his wife are walking in the street. She sees a street cleaner, comes to him and they talk like friends. The minister asks: "Who is that?" She says: "One old friend. We dated when we were students. He even asked me to marry him". The minister sarcastically: "If you had married him, you would be a street cleaner's wife now". She replies seriously: "If I had married him, he would be a minister!"

A Russian couple is on holiday. They come in a hotel room and the wife sees a mouse on the bed. She tells the husband to call the reception as she doesn't know English at all. The husband takes the telephone:

- Hi, is that the reception?

- Yes, sir.

- Do you know 'Tom and Jerry'?

- Yes, sir.

- So, Jerry is here!

I like cookies...... Especially with vodka....... Especially without cookies......

A man dies and comes to heaven. Archangels meet him and tell:

-  You know, for the first time in history we see a man whose good and bad acts are absolutely equal. We cannot decide where to send you – to hell or paradise, so you can choose.

The man asks: Can I have a look first? – Sure!!!

So the man goes to look at paradise. There people are wearing white clothes, discussing philosophical issues, feeding animals, etc. Then he visits hell. It is like a night club – loud music, striptease girls, everyone is smoking and drinking.  He comes back to the archangels and says: “I prefer to go to hell!”

They take him and throw into boiling water. He cries:

- No! No! I want to go that place with girls and alcohol!

- Man, don’t confuse tourism with immigration!

A group of tourists have an excursion in hell. The guide leads them to the first attraction where attendants fry people.

-          Here we keep murderers!

-          Wow!!!

Then they go to the second attraction where sinners are torn to pieces.

-          Here we keep thieves!

-          Wow!!!

Then they come to the third place where tourists see an intelligent man in glasses who is swimming in a big pan of boiling water. The tourists ask:

-          How are you, Sir?

-          I am OK.

-          What was your profession?

-          I was a teacher at a primary school.

-          But how did you get in hell?

-          Is this hell?!

She: - Nobody loves me!

He: - But I love you!

She: - Stop talking! Is it so difficult to keep silence and listen to me?!

I don't trust the label "Made in Velikobritania"

-  Are you a student? Do you want to have a luxury lifestyle? Our new product is for YOU: dry bread crumbs with the taste of Hennessy!

A Soviet school. A teacher comes into a classroom, puts a brick on the table and asks: “Children, what ideas come to your mind when you are looking at this brick? Petia, your opinion!”

Petia: “I think, each of us should lay a brick in the building of Communism!”

-          “Great! Lenochka, what do you think?”

Lenochka: “I think, that every Soviet family will get its own apartment by 1980!”

-          “Great! Vovochka, what do you think?”

Vovochka: “I think of sex!”

-          “Why?! What is the link between a brick and sex?”

Vovochka: “I always think of sex!”